Feels heavier today, so I thought I'd write. 

14 years is a long time. 

14 years before you ever thought to come into my life. 

14 years since you faded from this realm. 

14 years since I heard you talk about "woofs" (wolves) and became increasingly aggravated that you wouldn't shut up because I had a migraine. 

14 years since I rushed to the hospital, knowing but not really knowing you were already gone. 

14 years since the man who actually raised me met me in the parking lot and just shook his head at me. 

14 years since I fell into that man's arms and he held me as I cried over the father that abandoned me. 

Love isn't always fair or equal and neither is grief. 

The fruit will fall
The sweetness will spoil
The decay may be long
While the moments are short.

There's so much sadness here.
My voice quivers and cracks.
Hold it back.
Hold on.
Just one more day.
Tomorrow may be brighter.

Take back the pieces
One by One
Pretend not to notice,
I've come undone.

Empty vessels quiver and quake...


The uncertainty is gone and with it comes clarity, with it comes calm.  The sweetest moments get lost in satisfaction.  My mood is much lighter now. I think what I feared knowing is the very thing that set me free.

Strung up in phrases,
in hidden crimes.
Walking together,
Toeing the line.
The darkness sheds light
on things forgotten
or left behind.

Silence the keeper

The one who stays near

Crush this sorrow

Destroy this fear

Hollow sounds echo 

Emotions and intent

My mind is now numb

my heart is now bent.

Anonymous faces

entangled in lies

will venture out tonight

The tide is high

We weave through the crowd

Desires undone
making ourselves seem big
waiting to succumb.