The fruit will fall
The sweetness will spoil
The decay may be long
While the moments are short.

Sink into it
Crippled, crushed, tethered.
Moments not memories.
Fall through it
Embrace the darkness
As it closes in.

It's happening.
Right now.
Every moment. Through every action.
It's happening.
It makes not a sound,
Leaves not a trace.

Don't confuse disjointed thoughts for poems.
Just cryptic thoughts, misplaced. Maybe not even cryptic.
Never been the quiet type.
Never been afraid to fight.
Or throw the first punch.
Not very lady-like.
Rage overcomes fear.
My father's daughter, absolute.

Do you know love?

The way it can blister and burn

Yet soothe all at once. 

The arms that hurt and the arms that heal. 

One and the same. 

The safety and stability.  

How even the bad days melt away,

The moment his hand reaches for me. 

I've never known loneliness the way that some do. 

I've never had a night alone, 

Dreaming of someone to hold. 

My rock, my love, my better half beside me. 

With all my faults he loves me still. 

Showing it daily,

in forgiveness. 

In tenderness. 

In the things others might miss. 

For all I've done wrong,

He is the right. 

Slowly deserted
Day by day
Emptiness falls away
Rivers of emotion flow
To seas of misery.
If by chance I wake from my dreams
With tears in my eyes
It was only despair that held my hand
When my mind wanders too far
I'll pick out the most painful moments
And blame myself for feeling them
If this pain in my chest one day vanishes
I'll rejoice
But for now I'll close my eyes
And let the tears burn hot on my face.

There's so much sadness here.
My voice quivers and cracks.
Hold it back.
Hold on.
Just one more day.
Tomorrow may be brighter.

It swells, spilling unpleasantries.
Slowly rolling tears.
Retracing the paths.
Don't look at me.
Don't see me.
Just let the sorrow swallow me for a bit longer.
Maybe there's a cure in this torment.
There's not.
It's only a fools quest.
But it overtakes me on these grey days.

I don't feel like talking. I won't make good company, but I don't want to be alone. I've never been popular enough, but I'm ok with that. I've never been smart enough, but that's ok too. I've never been pretty enough. I've never been strong enough, but I'll pretend. I've always been too hard on myself. Anything you see that's good in me, I'll only see the bad.

Slip past the foes,
Creep out of sight.
Placed on my pillow,
Peace comes at night.

My favorite time of the day is the hour or so before bed when I'm cuddled up next to Nick watching something in bed. I look forward to these moments with him and it makes me ache to think that there was a time I didn't long for that closeness or I took it for granted.